Burnley at home

31: Shot by Michael Kightly (Wolverhampton): on target
31: Goal scored by Michael Kightly (Wolverhampton)

Decimated into such lifeless text. Yet still I sit there for 90 minutes.

In other news, Michael Kightly Is Pretty Rad is being played on live radio to Michael Kightly on Monday the 17th November. My whole life is set up to this moment. I have never been so excited. I no longer look at girls. I look at Michael Kightly on the radio listening to our song and telling Daz Hale he'll come to our gig at the Rainbow on the 8th January. He's a closet fan of Mark E Smith's vocals. He'll bring along Jody Craddock. Jody will buy me a pint of cider and say "you must have missed this in India, mate." And I'll go "Yes Jody, I have, very much." And we will clink glasses and I will dribble cider down my chin because when I'm a bit nervous I sometimes miss my mouth. Basith and Emma are talking to Michael Kightly about Radiohead. He is wearing a 1950s vintage Honved replica top. "I wish I was a teenage armchair Honved supporter" he winks. I swoon.

Jody and I will discuss at length defending and I will go over his 3-2 winner at Ninian Park autumn '06, his wonder volley against Bradford and his Steven Gerrard-esque last minute equaliser against Norwich five times at least. "It was easy. Another pint?" OK! I will pretend to be interested in his art and commission him to do a painting of the band. It will be 6.5/10.

We'll play our twenty minute long set. Michael and Jody will stand at the side nodding appreciatively. We'll blast through Michael Kightly Is Pretty Rad at brakeneck speed and Simon will do his usual improv screaming in the Steve Bruce section, probably slagging off amateur football fanzines named after icons in a friendly pop at the man at the back with his Trojan Records sweatshirt. People will clap and our friends will scream to make us feel better.

When we've finished Michael Kightly and Jody Craddock will be gone. They'll have already made their apologies. We'll have forgotten to have taken photographs together. Because they were at the side none of our friend have any. We'll never see them again.

But thereafter I'll always read his praise of Jamie Redknapp's punditry in the match programme with the irony it deserves. When he says "Oh I like to listen to a bit of The Twang" the beauty of the sarcasm will ring true. And we'll never forget that really, truly, Michael Kightly Is Pretty Rad.

Ahem

On a day in the last week I realised most of my birthday money was gone because I set up a direct debit a year ago on the Shall We Set Ben On Fire website. After intial despair I decided to do something with it. So I made a fuckmyself SWSBOF, Ace Bushy Striptease and We Aeronauts *tribute* site that doesn't work properly because I cannot be bothered to find out why. No-one will look at it apart from you people and then you'll be sad you did because it will take 30 minutes to load, then not load properly. You'll have checked your networks four times by then and it will be a forgotten tab next to Drowned In Sound Community with a thread on being cool but uncool.*

It was meant to be a nice collage anyway. www.shallwesetbenonfire.co.uk

I must sound really negative! Well I shouldn't, it's been an ace weekend, albeit a weird one. I went to an amazing palace in Hyderabad and fell in love with a Princess from her black and white photographs. She's incredible. I also want an elephant as a chauffeur. OK! We had a big party on friday as well and I talked to a different pretty girl who I talk to sometimes and is a lot cooler than the other so I mostly probably didn't impress her with my random rum induced mumblings. Something nearly horrible happened on Thursday night that is at once comical and horrible and not really horrible just it was at the time.

*this is actually just a description of my last half an hour

"if I were a linesman. I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides."