Southampton Away

hello.

I want to go to sleep. Swiss Simon is in the bathroom where my shorts are that I want to wear to go to sleep. He's been in there for hours.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BATHROOM SWISS SIMON

I feel I have been quite patient. I checked my social network (die) and gmail (nothing) and DiS Community (die nothing). He is still there. Right. Now. What is he doing?

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BATHROOM SWISS SIMON

I don't want to think about what he is doing. But it's taking ages. Seriously. I don't think he's taking a shower because it's 1AM, you know. But I guess the sounds could be mixing with the rain. Yeah, it's raining again! It's winter! People have started wearing coats and jumpers and cardigans and turning fans off. All because it's 20 degrees not 30. I tell them...

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BATHROOM SWISS SIMON

I need the toilet too, by the way. Before you say, why don't you just sleep without those shorts. Well fuck you. I need the toilet as well. And the shorts.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BATHROOM SWISS SIMON

Perhaps he has climbed out of the window and is running around Adarsh Nagar naked. Perhaps he slipped on the floor, banged his head against the toilet and is now laying in a pool of his own blood. I once dehydrated one morning at UnI and collapsed next to the toilet. I woke in a pool of my own piss (my penis clearly hadn't thought to cease discharge despite my brain ceasing to do anything to help). No-one knew I think. Maybe that's what happened to Swiss Simon. It took me a while and a lot of tissue to clean up (mental note: never show this to S. or E. or any similiar individuals).

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BATHROOM SWISS SIMON

I'm listening to "Arrogance Is My Middle Name Said Will Davies Arrogantly." He's still in the bathroom. What The Fuck. My favourite songs at the moment are this song, giglio's whale rendered and strange signs of life or whatever they are called. Worryingly I love them all without drums. At least I have a part for Davies, I guess. Who cares. I just want my shorts. And the toilet.

We won again this weekend. We never win at St. Ma.... oh who gives a fuck.

GET THE FUCKING FUCKING HELL OUT OF THE BATHROOM SWISS SIMON

Tum

ti

tum.

He could be having a wank. That's what you'd have put in your list earlier, isn't it? Well it did cross my mind too, dear reader, albeit in a purely inquisitive non sexual sense, but it's surely been half an hour now so he must be having an almighty session let me tell you.

I hope he's not having a wank in my shorts.

I can hear the rain through the song.

Get out of the bathroom please swiss simon?

FFS

On Friday we had another party on our roof (I'm going to continue, for in reality I'm a bit scared of what I might find if I actually enquire into the status of Swiss Simon). It was really big and I had a big bottle of McDowell's rum, which is my favourite, before I ambled up the stairs. With (yet) another pretty girl, or perhaps woman, or perhaps girl, I was possibly more charming than usual (or she was more drunk than usual) and I think I got 1% closer to kissing her than the previous pretty girls. Success! But I didn't kiss her which is good probably really because she's a good friend and she's coming travelling with us next week. She ended up in someone elses mouth later on though.

How boring. It is all Swiss Simon's fault you have to read this drivel.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOGM

SWISSSIMONISOUTOFJUHHKTHETOIELT!!!

BYE